Rectober No. 4 - And so Death Took...

[nia_kantorka]

banner by capitu

This rec post isn’t about the light and fluffy fics. It’s about the mighty ones. The ones which are able to shatter your heart, to let tears roll down your face, to make you uncomfortable, to let you sigh deeply, and the ones you can only read in fractions or when you are in a special mood.

Title: Stop All the Clocks (This is the Last Time I’m Leaving Without You)
Author/Artist: firethesound
Pairing(s) Harry/Draco, Hermione/Ron, Harry/OMC
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 44.706
Warnings: Death, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Angst and Humour, Auror Partners, Rimming, Drunk Sex, Moving On, Bottom!Harry, Top!Draco, Switching

Summary: Living with Draco was difficult; living without him is unbearable. But if there’s one thing Harry learned from the war, it’s that even when one life ends, the rest of the world goes right on living.

Why I loved it:
This fic. It was terribly hard to read, this fic. Even for me who can enjoy even the hard and dark topics as long there is love woven in between. And it is. There is so much love in Stop All the Clocks… it nearly lets you drown. Because it makes Harry’s loss so much bigger and nearly unbearable for the reader too.
The two timelines in which firethesound told the story were an idea of pure genius. In one we meet Harry and Draco being drunk on one of these official Ministry parties, both are annoyed and angry and just fuck each other. That’s where their relationship starts. The other timeline starts with Darco already being dead. Yes, he is dead. And nothing will change this. Harry is nearly losing his mind over this loss. And when their relationship starts to grow, Harry is dealing with the different stages of grieving. When they become a happy couple, he tries to leave England and all his memories behind. When their Auror work becomes more and more dangerous, Harry comes back and gets obsessed over a ghostly copy of Draco’s last memories and – inevitably – Draco is going to die and Harry – after years of mourning – finally starts to heal.

You know, I’m sitting here thinking about it and my eyes get teary again. Yes, that’s what makes this story so wonderful. It makes you feel it all: the good and the bad, the love and the loss, the lively characters and the death or emotional shutdown. You might cry reading this story but it will touch you for real.

Excerpt:
Inhale.

They do it the same way every time, Draco inside Harry. It’s certainly not fucking, and it’s not quite making love. In fact, Harry barely thinks of it as sex at all. It’s just good morning, slow and warm and sleepy, rocking together, orgasm almost an afterthought. And while it’s not new or fresh or exciting, it’s comfortable and familiar. Like a cup of tea on a cold day, or Harry’s old Weasley jumper that Draco’s constantly threatening to throw out. And somehow that’s even better.

Inhale.

And when they finish, every time, every single time, Draco says, “I could get used to waking up like this,” like he hasn’t been waking up like this for five years now. And a smile spreads over his face, as slow and warm as a pat of butter melting on a hot slice of toast. And Harry kisses him then, and knows that whatever else this day might bring, it will be all right because tomorrow he’ll be right back here with Draco in his arms.

Inhale.

Harry opens his eyes.

Title: The Next Twenty-Four Hours
Author/Artist: saras_girl
Pairing(s) Harry/Draco
Rating: R
Word Count: 3.376
Warnings: Character Death
Summary: In twenty-four hours, the Ministry will take your life. Until then, I’m all yours.

Why I loved it:
What can I say? I adore every word and every story of Sara’s Girl and this fic is no exception- even though it’s not funny or sweet or fluffy. Harry bares his soul to the reader about losing Draco in twenty-four hours. And it’s horrible to see them both suffering through and clinging to every minute. It is heaven and hell in one story: hard, touching, rough, cruel and beautiful. Yes, I love it. And I re-read every once in a while. That’s my way of reminding me to not take everything – love, happiness, even life – for granted.

Excerpt:
I whisper your name because my skin is warm, salty-wet now and I want you to look at me, but you won’t. You shake your head against mine and push hard into me, shattering this slow ache and I clamp down around you, crying out, shooting hot, wet ropes across our skin and drawing you closer, holding you in place, and I say the words out loud this time, I know I do.

I love you.

You hear them, grip my hands hard enough to hurt and come with a rough sob. “Harry,” you whisper, and it’s the first time. And the last.

When you throw an arm over me and close your eyes, I know you’re pretending to be asleep, and I let you. I say all the things I wish I could say to you when you’re awake, and you pretend not to hear them. Your slow, warm breath skates over my wrist as I play with your hair, and I wonder if I’ll cry for you when you aren’t here to mock me.

Title: Enemy of My Enemy
Author/Artist: penwyn
Pairing(s) Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 8.019
Warnings: Character Deaths, Eating disorder

Summary: Unable to cope with the hardships of war, Draco Malfoy elects to starve himself to death. Starving yourself isn't that easy, however, when you suddenly find something to live for.

Why I loved it:
This story has the best and saddest last sentence I’ve ever read. And yes, its deaths here- so be prepared. Enemy of My Enemy has a Draco with a great voice. He is so in character but changes, not much, but enough for Harry to fall for him, and that is beautifully to see. It is a tough read and I’m never sure whose end is more terrible. But every time I re-read this story, I’m in awe.

Excerpt:
Harry told Draco that there was one final Horcrux, a secret, and Draco never even thought to question him about it. It never occurred to him that the look in Harry’s eyes after every time they fooled around could have been anything but satiation. He never put a second thought as to why Harry always held onto him just a little longer than was necessary, thinking that Harry just craved physical contact. Draco never minded the prolonged embraces, the hand-holding, or the sudden, desperate pawing in bed.

In really need to stop here. Re-reading parts of Stop All the Clocks and then the two shorter fics- too much sadness... So, I’m out of here and re-reading something light and fluffy now.

Comments

[blithelybonny.livejournal.com]

Seriously, just thinking about Stop All The Clocks chokes me up a little. It's so beyond everything.

Thanks for the recs--I'll have to check out the other two too!

[lauren3210.livejournal.com]

I've come across all of these while searching for good fics to read, and I just know I wouldn't be able to handle any of them, no matter how beautifully written they are (and the most poignant ones are always so beautifully written, it's like a paradox made just for me). I just... can't, even thinking about reading them makes my chest hurt, and not in the good way, unfortunately. However, it was really lovely reading about why you liked them, it was like a glimpse into these stories that I otherwise would never have known a thing about, so thank you for that! <3

[candamira.livejournal.com]

Great rec, meine Liebe. Of course I know 'Clocks', but the second and the third sound like a must-read, too. But not tonight. I had enough mood-killers the last few days and need to recover from that first. Thanks. I have never been disappointed by your recs so far (and don't expect to ever be) :-).

[capitu]

Same as blithelybonny here, even thinking about Stop All the Clocks breaks my heart. It hurts so good, it's unbelievable.

In fact, a while ago I was trying to remember this fic in which Harry and Draco try to have this thing after a couple of fucks and then plot to convince their boss to let them be together, and then I remembered it was this fic, and OH MY GOD, MY HEART.

I needed to read all my comfort fics afterwards, but god, so worth it.

[iwao.livejournal.com]

These are the three single most heartbreaking fics in the history of fandom, amor. The first one I read was The Next Twenty-Four Hours, when I was new to LJ and Cheryl recommended saras_girl. I didn't think and picked one of hers at random. It was the first time EVER that I read mayor character death, and I cried for days! I then read Enemy of my Enemy by mistake, and oh boy. And I resisted Stop all the Clocks for months, until I finally grew the balls to read it. And I'm so glad I did, cos it's one of the best fics ever, even if it's gut-wrenchingly sad, but gods, I would not re-read it, it left me feeling so broken. D:

And talking about heart-breaking fics, have you read The Kiss (http://archiveofourown.org/works/1004531), by frayach? There is no character death as such, but omg, talk about disturbing and bleak and amazing writing! Shame I didn't sign up for Rectober, come to think of it. But anyway, if you get the chance and haven't read it yet, please do, and let me know how you like it. :P Well, if you want. D:

So yeah, erm, okay, going now! LOLOL! *snuggles*

[nia_kantorka]

I feel you.

Oh, I'll hope you enjoy them as much as one could enjoy sad but beautiful stories.

[nia_kantorka]

Oh, thank you. And you are welcome. I'm glad you could take a glimpse and know it's just not for you.

Because if one can't, one just shouldn't read them. These stories should make one feel heart-wrenching sad but in a good way. Where you can admire the beauty even if you are crying tears.

So, don't force yourself into reading them. *hugs*

[huldrejenta.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid I'm too much of a wuss to read a lot of really heavy angst, but I did read Stop All the Clocks, and just thinking about it makes me sad. Parts of what makes the fic so good and so angsty to me is how the one half of the fic where we follow Harry and Draco from they meet, is such a wonderful story, and it would be the perfect feel-good read in a fic of its own. And that makes the contrast even harder to read. This fic is sooo good, but I'm not sure if I'll ever read it again.

The other two fics look really good as well - though I'm not quite certain I have the strength for them ;)

[nia_kantorka]

You are such a sweetheart. ♥

Take your time. These stories don't run away. And I learned my lesson, to not try to read them when I'm not being in the right mood, the hard way. The first time I tried to read Stop All the Clocks and couldn't finish it. It was just too much that day. And it took all my courage to start it again- but it was SO worth it.

[nia_kantorka]

Oh yes, hon.

Luckily, I wrote this post in advance (one of my brighter moments) because it took me three fluffy, funny, and smutty fics to calm down and not cry tears over my own post.

[firethesound]

Oh darling, thank you. <3

The Next Twenty-Four Hours is a favorite of mine as well. Oh, I remember being absolutely gutted the first time I read it, and I go back to it a couple times a year. It's one of my comfort reads. Haven't read the third one, though, and it's definitely gone on my to-read list. I really love character death stories, and it's rare I come across one I haven't read before. :D

(Seconding iwao's suggestion of The Kiss, btw, and adding Nobody's Ever Died of a Broken Heart, also by frayach. This one's character death and probably my favorite of all. I've read it dozens of times and it still makes me tear up just thinking about it.)

[nia_kantorka]

Oh my, to stumble upon these two without warning. *hugs you, even if it's too late now*

I am planning to re-read it one day again. All the amazing details, the timelines, the wonderful words. Yes, I'm a big girl and will manage. :)

I read The Price We Pay for Wings, A Flame Undamped, and All Our New Years but not The Kiss. So, thank you for the rec, amor. Of course I'll read it, and let you know how I like it. *GLOMPS*

[nia_kantorka]

Oh yes, these timelines are so hard to read. It was the hardest thing to read the happy part when you know what's about to come. And it doesn't really help that Harry is making progress by learning to deal with his grief in the other half of the story.

Don't force yourself. I wanted to rec them, because they are great stories. But not everybody is up for such a hurt!fest. And hurt it does. *hugs*

[iwao.livejournal.com]

LOL! That explains why I haven't read it, cos I thought I had read all of Frayach's fics! I, erm, might give it a go one of these days since you are reccing it. Probably. Maybe. Oh, who am i kidding, I most likely won't! LOLOL!!

Hiya, babe! *waves*

[firethesound]

Hi, you!! ::glomps::

Yeah, it's really really good, but it's intense. Like, it destroys me every single time. Out of everything I've read, that one makes me cry the hardest. <3

[nia_kantorka]

Thank you. <3

Oh, you need to let me know how you like it.
And I'm going to read Nobody's Ever Died of a Broken Heart as well. As far as I can say Frayach's stories are all abourt hurt or angst in on way or another. But her writing style is amazing and now I just need to get in the right mood. :D

[firethesound]

I fangirl so hard over Frayach's writing. It all rips my heart out and stomps it to mush and I just keep going back for more because it hurts but in such a good way. But you're right, I definitely have to be in the mood for it, lol.

[iwao.livejournal.com]

Eeeep! Do not touch!!! Yours was bad enough, I mean so good, but in a "my sould has been put through a blender and is now mushy gloop on the floorboards" type of way. LOLOL! I'm SUCH a wuss! ♥♥♥

[icmezzo.livejournal.com]

I approve of the title of this post... ;)

[icmezzo.livejournal.com]

Oh, and the one that tore my heart out like no other was Kiss me with Fire. http://lucilla-darkate.livejournal.com/56529.html

[nia_kantorka]

Oh yes. One of the best titles ever. :D
And I thought about reccing yours (not only because of that wonderful sentence) but for a H/D rec their death(s) are the worst.

Edit: I had a look. It was wonderful. How fierce they both were, in love and war. And Draco was wise beyond his age. Aren't there any winners in a war if you ask the people who fought and lost friends, lovers, children or parents? Thank you so much for this rec. It gets on my favourites shelf. :D

It's awesome to get so many recs this way. <3

[candamira.livejournal.com]

Downloading them is always a very good first step ;-).

[who_la_hoop]

Eeek! I'm afraid I can never read any of these, ever, lmao. Depressing fics just make me depressed, & I don't look to fandom for that, you know? I am glad that you enjoyed them though :DDD

[icmezzo.livejournal.com]

:)

Yes, that story guts me every time. It's amazing.

[nia_kantorka]

Please don't if you'll get depressed over such fics. Yes, I'm all for fair warnings in tags. :D

[noeon.livejournal.com]

Lovely stuff! I mean, not, but then again, definitely.

*friending to track the rectober madness*

[nia_kantorka]

Ha, I know what you mean. :)

Thank you. Friended back and just saw something on your LJ that made me squeeeeee in delight. Rectober is such a great thing (though my reading list is growing infinitely). LOL