You might need these not to drown in sorrow...
I love bdsm fics. To read all the reasons why people want to submit to or dominate a person. The psychology behind, how our brains might crave an outlet for our body. And how those actions finally calm the mind ... yeah, I think it's one of the most fascinating things ever. Be aware that I love it when things get rough, so read the tags and proceed carefully from there.
If you have any recs yourself, please tell me about them. I'd even jump into new fandoms if the eveloping bdsm realtionship is worth it. Also, fair warning, this post is long. Most of the fics are long and worth some words and
a proper excerpt. 'nough said, here we go:Title
: Strangers to OurselvesAuthor
: Marvel Cinematic UniversePairing(s)
: NC-17Word Count
: Dominant!Loki, sub!clint, Dom!Loki, Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, Porn With Plot, Smut, BDSM, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Bondage, Whips, Gags, Blindfolds, Painplay, Hair Pulling, Slapping, Asphyxiation, Masturbation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Leashes, Begging, Cock Rings, Forced Orgasm, Humiliation, Subspace, BDSM - Freeform, Trying to escape the clichés here, Real-life BDSM is all about trust and respect, that shouldn't be an issue between those two, ha ha, Internalized Homophobia, Internalized BDSM-phobia, Denial, Aftermath of Fuck or Die, Self-Loathing, Trust Issues, trust issues everywhere, Angst, Truckloads of sex, Clint drops the F-bombs everywhere, but he's going through rough times okay, Coulson Lives and he's awesome, Loki's motives are a mystery, Clint is too stubborn for his own good, also Sitwell is a prickSummary
: Loki likes it when people kneel before him, and isn't that the sign of a heavy dominant complex.
Clint enjoys having nothing but his next target in mind, and isn't that the sign of a heavy submissive complex.
Loki and Clint slept together during a sex-pollen-induced frenzy. They both agree that it was an unpleasant, shitty road-bump, they still hate each other a lot and the situation is not going downhill at all, fuck you very much.
Or: What do you do when your greatest enemy becomes the one man you can't live without ?Why I loved it
It's hard to describe this fic and its companion piece (see rec to From The Top) and what they did to me. Last week I promised a rec about my favourite fic from 2016. That wasn't the truth, but not a lie either, because these two fics are my favourites so far. Tbh, I can't see that change in the few weeks that are still to go in 2016. They are an entity, but I still try to point out each's specifics.
In Strangers to Ourselves the reader gets Clint's pov. Loki's pov is told in From the Top. To read one after the other was kind of an revelation. There are scenes that are particularly hard to read from Clint's perspective and the reader gets too curious about Loki's view ... and the whole picture just blew my mind.
First, I should start with the story though:
There is that sex pollen event which is actually more a pwp fic and a short prequel to this story. Afterwards neither Clint nor Loki can get the events and the other out of their head. Well, it was easy to let go when one was high. In Clint's case that was living out a submissive streak more than a mile long, and in Loki's to thrive on it. He gave Clint something that comes easy to him and got a whole being just for himself to play with. Yeah, but that was when they were high as kites. Now, they aren't and it's not so easy for Clint to let go. With Loki of all people. The terrible, terrible God who brainwashed him. Of course he fights it. Without much success I might say. Because he got hooked, and now it's Loki and his treatment that Clint craves. The more he tries to suppress it, the greater the urge gets. It doesn't take long for him to break. He begs Loki to become not only his submissive, but his slave. Yupp, for real. He wants to be Loki's. That's when the Avengers come to know about them and shit really hits the fan. ... And all that is just the start.
See, it's difficult to describe this fic and even describe a tenth of what happens in it. It's even more difficult to explain their relationship. Clint is not an easy submissive. He's strong and doesn't just give in. Yet he needs it so badly, and he doesn't want safewords or consent or safety. There's a part where Loki has to leave him, and someone [can't spoil it, all right?] takes over. But it's not the same and he hurts and - even his friends finally see that they are unable to help him - only Loki can. Everybody should remember that and how Clint suffered like a shrivelling plant in the desert without him, because then he gets trained as Loki's slave.
Holy shit. I won't tell you much more. Lets just say Clint is stripped of his defences one after the other and ... that was tough shit at times ... and yet I loved it, every brutal step on the way. Even from Clint's pov you could see that Loki did care about him, even (or especially because) he has a sardistic streak more than the Bifrost long.
Now I cease my rambling about this one, because Loki has his own story. If you love bdsm fics and are willing to accept that it is a story and would never take place in rl (nearly nothing in this story is to be tried at home
kids and adults!), you'll get a fantastic fic about two characters that badly need each other. How they discover just that, that the other's a perfect fit for their special needs, is told in Nonymos' fabulous story with such verve, vivid pictures, and an unexpected amount of humour. Both fics made it on my all-time-favourites-list in no time.
The excerpt will give you a pretty good idea if you can stomach the story or not. I love that scene, even if my heart always breaks for the Bilgesnipe. [Warning for a fictive animal dying, its death serves a purpose]( Excerpt )xxoxxTitle
: From The TopAuthor/Artist
: Marvel Cinematic UniversePairing(s)
: NC-17Word Count
: Loki, not exactly Safe Sane and Consensual, more like Unsafe Insane and Sensual, BDSM - Freeform, D/s, Submissive!Clint, Dominant!Loki, sub!clint, Dom!Loki, Explicit Sexual Content, Porn With Plot, Smut, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Bondage, Whipping, Gags, Blindfolds, Painplay, Hair-pulling, Slapping, Asphyxiation, Masturbation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Leashes, Begging, Cock Rings, Forced Orgasm, Humiliation, Sex Machines, Sexual Torture, Cages, Vibrators, Subspace, Domspace, Denial, Refusal, Aftermath of Fuck or Die, Self-Loathing, Trust Issues, TONS AND TONS OF SEX, also angst, Loki Angst, So much angst, The God of Chaos has disturbing fantasies, Thank God Barton shares most of them, Thor is trying his best, Jarvis is one upgrade away from turning into a Robot Overlord, What the fuck is Clint thinking, Odin's A+ Parenting, Loki Feels, Clint Feels, BAMF JARVIS, BAMF Phil Coulson, Bloodplay, Knifeplay, Breathplay, Tickling, Sounding, Cock & Ball Torture,Heat Torture, Shaving, Dehumanization, ObjectificationSummary
: Loki has always yearned for control; but he never did get to control anything.
Barton was made to be ruled; but he was never expected to realize
Power is the flame, and Loki Laufeyson is the moth; however, it turns out that even catching fire is not that easy. There are princes and monsters at war inside him – and Clint Barton got caught in the fight.
Or: Can Loki trust himself not to be a monster, when all the prince wants is to take power?Why I loved it
This Loki. Wow, he's really crazy, as in personality disorder crazy, and an incredibly lonely soul. It's kind of a blessing that he stumbles into that sex pollen situation and therefore discovers a new side of Clint. Breaking Clint gives him a new purpose, one that makes him care about things. Only about Clint at first, but - yes, there's still the threat of Thanos coming - later on even about the worlds. In the excerpts he already has that apple of Idunn. What he was willing to do to get it was astonishing. He humiliates himself just that Clint can't stay with him through the centuries (well, if he gets rid of Thanos that is...), yeah, he really does care for Clint. Yet, he breaks him over and over and over again. For his own sake and for Clint's.
It was so fascinating to see. There was a scene where Clint suffers for days and in the first fic you really can't believe that Loki left him like this, but here you see what it did to him. How Loki nearly broke down himself, how much it cost him to not intervene and not say, 'ah, it is just a game'. That he actually took Clint's wish, to be his slave to heart ... ah, it was perfect. And there were many, many more scenes like this, where you see why Loki did what he did.
I loved to read about Loki's struggle. There were these two parts of him, one that wanted to destroy everything, especially the things he held dear, and the other where Clint was his most precious possession: a lover, a slave, the perfect companion. And I loved the ending. Can't say much about it, but that their story carried on when Strangers to Ourselves had long ended. I was and am in awe about that ending. It was absolutely perfect and ... oh I just shut up now before I spoil things.
I'm planning to reread both stories this winter, not one after the other, but simultaneously. After the part of Loki's past, frist every chapter from Clint's pov and then again from Loki's pov. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it.
This fic broadened my horizon. I know it wouldn't be okay to do anything like this in real life, and yet it opened my mind about how deep the needs a person might have can run. I loved to see them becoming happy with their chosen life-style. I could go on and on about how this story spoke to me. If anybody gives it and its companion piece a try, please tell me how you liked them. I'm sure both will gain strong reactions. :D
And the same part - this time from Loki's pov [sorry, the Bilgesnipe is about to be killed again].( Excerpt )xxoxxTitle
: Smoke and MirrorsAuthor
: Harry PotterPairing(s)
Charlie Weasley/Harry Potter, past Charlie Weasley/Remus LupinRating
: NC-17Word Count
: Bondage and Discipline, BDSM Scene, Post - Deathly Hallows, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Sensory DeprivationSummary
: Charlie seeks out transient encounters to relieve the stress of dragon-wrangling after losing his partner Remus. When the mysterious Dom known only as Black offers him an unusual contract, he can't say no.
Time frame: 2008-2009. AU: Remus/Tonks & epilogue Harry/Ginny never happened.Why I loved it
This fic had some beautiful dynamics. There is Charlie, a submissive, but a wonderfully strong character. He lost his lover, Remus, ten years ago and never fell for another in all the time. Well, until he meets the mysterious Black in a Parisian BDSM club. The man calls him Red and offers him things he has only dreamed about for years. He fulfils said dreams, but there's one condition: Charlie/Red can't see Black's face. It comes how it must and Charlie learns that Black was Harry all along, just after he was finally ready to let Remus go... Don't worry, they manage to get there in the end. :D
The scenes in the fic were fabulous, and it was a real treat to see oblivious Charlie falling for Black. Of course he was really pissed when he learned the truth. And Harry? Seeing him as Black through Charlie's eyes, oh my god, he was so, so hot. I wish someone would draw them both in action. Though maybe the paper will catch fire...
I also loved that it was a story about loss and how you can get lost in it when you notice nothing beside your own 'bubble of desperation and loneliness'. It was great to see Charlie finally heal and carry on. Harry's demeanour wasn't perfect, but in his defense, he'd tried for years to get Charlie's attention. I could relate to him taking desperate measures.
Don't get me started on their scenes. Damn they were awesome. Harry had some great kinks for a Dom and they fit this great role reversal perfectly. Don't get me wrong, he didn't come across as weak or not capable to wield whatever instrument he chose to beat Charlie with, and the descriptions of his deep sexy voice gave not only Charlie gooseflesh. I just loved that Charlie - the strong and stout dragon tamer - was the one who craved submission in all ways possible. It's brilliant when a bdsm story plays with expectations and turns them upside down. Really these stories are the best. You probably know Oakstone730 as an author, but yeah, you might haven't read this story as it's not their 'normal' pairing. Give it a try nonetheless. I'm sure you won't regret it.
( Excerpt )xxoxxTitle
: Stuck on the PuzzleAuthor/Artist
: Dragon Age - Inquisition (#3)Pairing(s)
Iron Bull/Cullen RutherfordRating
: NC-17Word Count
: Kink negotiation, non-sexual kink discussion, Drug Withdrawals, resistance to aftercare, corporal punishment discussion, Cullen Has Issues, which surprises no one at all, references to unhealthy SM dynamics, watchwords, Flogging, Aftercare, Resistance, communication issues, Subspace, Touch-Starved, PTSD, covert self-harm, Masochism, Slow Burn, Scratching, Massage, Dominance/submission, Wrestling, Mild Humiliation, Mild subdrop, handjob, Blow Job, Size Kink, Mild Cock & Ball Torture (because I realised most people wouldn't know what CBT meant), Caning, Blood, Impact Play, Punishment, Rimming, Praise Kink, Rope Bondage, Dubious Consent, Clamps - Freeform, Anal Sex, Fingering, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assisted Suicide of Minor CharacterSummary
: Once, back in Kirkwall, Cullen had an arrangement with a member of the city guard that satisfied his needs. But time changed all things, and he despaired of ever finding a similar arrangement again - that was, until he met The Iron Bull. Problem being that Bull seemed to care far more about sorting out the nitty-gritty of such an arrangement than Cullen ever has.Why I loved it
I went through the relevant tags on ao3 on my query to find new and long bdsm fics à la Needs Must and found this one. I had literally no clue about Dragon Age, but there are ways - aka great wikis for all and every person on the internet - and after some reading I felt ready to dive into this fic. Man, what a journey. The author took canon and wove things into it, so let me try and explain:
There's Cullen, a former Templar with a ton of baggage. First, he is a former Lyrium addict (all Templars use this drug and as they rarely leave their order, they don't even know what it does to you if you don't take it anymore...). Yet Cullen left them because ... reasons ... and with that he had to learn to live with returning intervals of physical withdrawl. Lyrium never leaves for real, and on top to the physical side of things, whenever the drug is around, it literally sings to Cullen. Second, he has this craving for submission, he likes to be beaten and used and hates himself for it. In this world he has a name, a reputation, he's the Inquisitor's advisor in all things military, he commandeers the forces of Skyhold and ... he just can't give into this shit. Take also into account that the arrangement he once had with that man in Kirkwall was very, very unhealthy. That man let him feel that he secretly despised him for his needs. No wonder he has a problem to see himself as a healthy and worthy human being...
Then there's the Iron Bull, a mercenary, with his own horrible past (in imo the past of Cullen is an even bigger shitload of suffering, but yeah, one could have a lenghty discussion about that). Bull's a one-eyed Qunari, a big, strong and humanoid species with horns. Let's say he looks impressive
and is normally paired with Dorian Pavus ... but yeah, not in Stuck on the Puzzle. Anyway, he has not a single problem with his sexual kinks and loves to let out his dominant side. He also is a very caring Dom. He has his problems, but not with Cullen's cravings, more with feelings and such things. Him being kind of a flagship-Dom makes it problematic for Cullen though. Cullen doesn't want aftercare, negotiations, and whatnot it is Bull wants of him. Mostly, because he doesn't feel worthy to get such treatment.
Well, it was truly beautiful and very angsty to follow these two on their journey. At times I thought they would never make it, but it was great, and especially when feelings entered the mix, it got breathtakingly bumpy. But they got there in the end, even though it took them a long time, which was part of the fun for me.
The scenes between them were wonderful, yet I loved it even more that both of them came from such contradictory positions. To see them overcome all the shit that stood between them was the real treat of Stuck on the Puzzle. Another gem was the worldbuilding. Yes, a lot is given by the games, but Thespectaclesofthor took canon and added their own stuff in such brilliant ways. For example Cullen's withdrawl episodes. The varied in intensity and hardship, and at times he
and I thought he wouldn't survive it. And just think about a drug that sings to you. Not like a hallucination, but for real. And only people who ever used it can hear its song. How glorious an idea is that?
Yeah, this fic's bdsm scenes were pretty good, but not this fic's true speciality. No, it was the journey these characters took. They showed such great deepth, and their interactions and inner monologues were wonderful to read. It totally made me crave more fics with them. Sadly there are not that many more stories (I should probably try to fall for Dorian too), but this one was worth every minute I spent with it. A beautiful story. ( Excerpt )xxoxx